Dear Mr Donaldson

Andrew Donaldson writes a weekly column in the Sunday Times (a major South African weekend paper) under the title "Eish". I am amazed by how appropriate a title it is having read a few of Mr Donaldson's pieces. They are never an easy read, but then again that is just me. "Eish" is a South African expression, a black South African expression to be precise. It has seen become assimilated into the South African tapestry of human beings thanks to a certain advertisement whose details I will not bore you with. By the way, of all things South African, that advert is a fantastic example. Back to Mr Donaldson.

Responding to upset readers of one of his columns that stated that Jacob Zuma (he of the ANC presidency fame -described by Mr Donaldson as a homophobic kanga snapping polygamists) has married a fat woman, Mr Donaldson apologises or does he? Reference to the bride in the manner that Mr Donaldson did apparently upset some of the readers of Mr Donaldson's column and he (apparently not believing the reaction of his readers) in response wrote another column parts of which reads like an apology. This is not about the sincerety or otherwise of Mr Donaldson's apology, that is a matter best left to Mr Donaldson. This is about what Mr Donaldson expresses as bothersome to him (I am not sure whether it is bothersome generally or only in respect of the responses he got for his unflattering description of Msholozi's (aka Jacob Zuma)bride). Mr Donaldson is bothered by the fact that we (I presume South Africans but it could also be Mr Donaldson and the readers who routinely get upset with the views expressed in his column) do not seem to be connecting - how there is a gulf between us. I was privileged to live for some years (on and off) among white people. During that time I was often surprised by the different and sometimes strange ways they do things, like how they knocked on a door! How once invited in, they just stood there and did not sit down! I continued to be surprised by how at public places like the airport a white person would approach and "politely" say "excuse me could you please watch my bag for a moment?". How about "hello, could you please . . ."

So Mr Donaldson do not be surprised that I get upset with you for BANGING on my door instead of knocking and for towering over me in my own space instead of taking your load off and exchanging greetings. Don't expect me to connect with you if you stop your car next to me and asked to be excused and ask for directions to Lusikisiki - greet me Mr Donaldson and you will soon realise that you won't even ask to be pardoned thereafter.

What then Mr Donaldson is the value of an apology that is lost among descriptions of the bride being married in little else than a bra, not holding back at the buffett? Connecting, Mr Donaldson suggests, to me at least "a convergence of sorts with movement from both sides of the gulf. For you a little movement in your description of others (some gangsters come from the north and some golf estate children defacate into the putting cups - typifying is treacherous in our country). I believe you can be as witty and as intellectually provocative without being disrespectful.

From us guys a movement a little away from playing the man towards playing the ball. Similarly us guys can disagree with your view strongly without finding you necessarily disagreeable and calling you racist.

When things baffle you Mr Donaldson it's ok, you are only a white South African and there is a lot you are yet to learn about this country and its strange people with their strange wedding dress codes; with that learning Mr Donaldson, connecting becomes inevitable. Being condescending about what you don't understand is just not right Mr Donaldson and a self-justification masquerading as an apology (on the basis that us guys don't get it) is a little insulting. "Eish" Mr Donaldson is an exclamation that has a plethora of uses and meanings, one I hope you will remember is "I beg your pardon, I seem to have completely mucked things up, I promise not to do it again". Maybe then Mr Donaldson, we shall connect. It is a problem with being right Mr Donaldson, it sometimes leads to us forgetting about common decency, about reaching out so that we may connect.